In class this morning we were talking about labels. Mr. Regua was writing down various labels: preferred, derogatory and neutral. I responded, "Do you guys use honkie?" What I meant to say was something like, "African-American's use the term honkie. Would Mexican-Americans also use the term?" but blurted out the other out of carelessness. I don't think anyone heard my response, beyond the word honkie, or if they did, they were polite enough to not make a big deal out of it. However, it bothered me the rest of the day.

I've spent my life thinking of myself as not racist. I've always tried to use whatever term for racial groups that is the preferred term. So where did this "You guys" come from? I gave this a lot of thought both about where it came from and how lucky I was nobody seemed to have heard me. Still I believe a tree falling in the woods will make noise, and why was I so quick to separate myself from any group?

Maybe it was the wine with dinner, or just a day of deep thought, but I did look at it differently this evening. The topic being discussed was groups of people. I'm obviously not Mexican American. Therefore, when talking about Mexican Americans as a group I am an outsider. I have neither the culture or the heritage to fit into the group. So for me to mention that separation isn't abnormal. Sure, there were better ways to give voice to the differences, but I began to forgive myself.

This brought me to yet another revelation. At one time the American ideal for immigrant groups was to assimilate. This was what my ancestors did. The Italian side made a point to drop their native language and try to fit into the mainstream. The Irish side left many of the Celtic customs behind to avoid seeming as outsiders. But the new America is a different model. We, as the in-group, need to learn to celebrate the various different cultures and to learn from them. We need to incorporate the various cultures into what we now consider American culture, not because they are just like us, but because they share many American ideals. So for me to recognize another culture as being different than mine is not a crime. The crime could occur with what we do with those differences. As long as the differences are celebrated and not degenerated, then we are doing are part of make America a better place. My use of "You guys" was acceptable in the context because it wasn't to separate with me as part of the in-group and the rest as part of the out-group. It was just recognizing that we are different, with different cultural identities.

I still think there were better ways to voice what I was saying. "You guys" could be viewed as an attempt to create separation where none need exist. But that wasn't the intent.

I can now go to sleep and dream of more pleasant thoughts than my own insensitivity.

Posted February 4, 2003